I hear you. In Susan Cain’s classic book QUIET, I learned the word “ambivert.” I think I fit that. Extroversion is a role I enjoy for a while under certain circumstances. I taught history in public high school (annually evaluated as highly effective) but I went home to rest for an hour or two every day after school.
Oh my gosh, there's a term for me! Ambivert! Thrilled to know. I was a tour manager for 10 years, crossing across parts of the United States and Canada on motorcoaches. I have never met a stranger but the tiredness at the end of the day, unimaginable. And my poor husband, who had been on his own for two weeks sometimes couldn't fathom my need for total solitude and quiet, for a couple of days post-tour. And he was a classic introvert who thought complete thoughts before opening his mouth. He could see six sides of a problem and had them all worked out before saying a word. Thanks for sharing. I do suffer with horrible tinnitus, so much so that it does block sound. Perhaps that is why I now crave silence. Hearing aids alleviate some of the tinnitus but not enough. I rarely enjoy outings any longer, wanting to escape to the comfort of my home. Thanks for sharing about ambivertism! .
I’m so glad I could pass on the term that also helped me. Being a tour manager and enjoying it is wonderful —but a step or two beyond my ability to endure. I’m so sad you are afflicted with tinnitus. I hope you find relief. Sounds like you’re blessed with an understanding partner.
When I was in 1st grade, I remember looking at other kids and thinking, “It’s like they can just talk without first thinking about what they’re going to say.”
Yes, it's like my thoughts get hijacked before they'd reach my mouth and a new thought popped up that needed analysis but that also got stuck and irrelevant to the discussion by the time I was ready to speak. I was also too shy to interrupt at the right moment.
Fellow introvert here. I spent decades in extroverted roles, and I think they finally caught up with me because now I treasure my solitude more than ever. Feels good to finally embrace it instead of fight it.
I recognise so much in myself in the points that you make - especially the point about needing quiet and
solitude to produce my best work…which is why I hate everyone talking at once during team meetings or during a systems outage at work (I’m an IT engineer)…I need time to understand the issue clearly, to process and consider away from the chaos, before formulating a plan or solution.
Okay, extrovert here married to an introvert. Thank you for your thoughtful words which led to a great discussion. Also, us extroverts are not baboons. Forgive our lack of understanding and failure to “pause”, something I work hard at to honor my wife. Our differences are our greatest opportunities to love and respect each other.
My extrovert husband is away on a work trip. The past three days I have enjoyed listening to the birds chirp and the wind rustle the wind chimes. It’s blissfully quiet.
My mind is actually at peace and I am getting a lot of things done because my energy level is up. I get four more days of this. I love him but his chaos sucks all my energy. We’ve been together for 30 years.
The open office plan is a nightmare for introverts. In the olden days, people at least had cubicles with walls.
I appreciate your comments about our superpower. My friends always have appreciated that about me. Sometimes they will say, go sit next to a couple at a get together and then tell me what’s going on with them, lol. They propel me out to use my superpower. I worked as a mental health peer where my job was just to listen to people. I was good at it. 🙂
YES!!!!!!!! I am in my third career, teaching pottery to adults, and what makes me a great teacher (no false modesty here!) is that I remember being a beginner (20 years ago) and I have analyzed and processed (and continue to process) that experience to learn how to teach beginners - but after teaching for three hours, I have to go home and subside onto the couch to recover from all the giving of myself and supporting of others. Thank you for setting the concepts and meanings of introversion out so clearly!!!!!!
PS, my first career was as a scenic artist following a BFA in theatre, and my second, as a real estate lawyer, was after I realized that I would never own my life unless I made money, so I went to law school, and much to the surprise of everyone (including me) graduated third in my class and got a high paying job. I retired 25 years after graduating from law school and it took me several years to recover. But now I own my own life 😄😄😄
I’m what has been labeled a “chatty introvert” … making challenging for some to accept my “identification”. Any research on numbers in this “category”….
Once you've advanced enough in life to establish some domain competency, talking with others becomes easier. There is a grounding that takes place, a refuge of thought and identity that finally enables those self-referential cycles of evaluation to slow while talking to strange humans.
And then you can be your delightful self for a while.
Learning to turn off the planning mechanism and trust the intuition is a function of experience. And, learning not to care.
I don't get "A Dopamine High from Social Noise." Understatement of the year! Funny thing though, I'm reading this Substack because I enjoy your writing, Singh Bhai.
I put on a great social persona and others label me an extrovert. They don’t understand the cost.
I see you sister! As a pottery teacher, I talk and interact a lot, but the cost can be steep. I am a secret introvert 😁😬
Yep. I’ve been a classroom teacher and sales associate; both jobs require A LOT of mental energy from me.
Each day I mentally rationed my energy throughout the day for the exact time I was required to work. When the “5 o’clock whistle” blew, so did I.
If I ever had to do overtime…things did not go well 😩
Thanks for getting it! It’s taken me decades to understand 🙂
I hear you. In Susan Cain’s classic book QUIET, I learned the word “ambivert.” I think I fit that. Extroversion is a role I enjoy for a while under certain circumstances. I taught history in public high school (annually evaluated as highly effective) but I went home to rest for an hour or two every day after school.
Yep! We’d probably be great actors - or we are great actors.
I’d say we ARE 😊
Oh my gosh, there's a term for me! Ambivert! Thrilled to know. I was a tour manager for 10 years, crossing across parts of the United States and Canada on motorcoaches. I have never met a stranger but the tiredness at the end of the day, unimaginable. And my poor husband, who had been on his own for two weeks sometimes couldn't fathom my need for total solitude and quiet, for a couple of days post-tour. And he was a classic introvert who thought complete thoughts before opening his mouth. He could see six sides of a problem and had them all worked out before saying a word. Thanks for sharing. I do suffer with horrible tinnitus, so much so that it does block sound. Perhaps that is why I now crave silence. Hearing aids alleviate some of the tinnitus but not enough. I rarely enjoy outings any longer, wanting to escape to the comfort of my home. Thanks for sharing about ambivertism! .
I’m so glad I could pass on the term that also helped me. Being a tour manager and enjoying it is wonderful —but a step or two beyond my ability to endure. I’m so sad you are afflicted with tinnitus. I hope you find relief. Sounds like you’re blessed with an understanding partner.
And here I thought it was just me!
Introvert here.
When I was in 1st grade, I remember looking at other kids and thinking, “It’s like they can just talk without first thinking about what they’re going to say.”
Yes, it's like my thoughts get hijacked before they'd reach my mouth and a new thought popped up that needed analysis but that also got stuck and irrelevant to the discussion by the time I was ready to speak. I was also too shy to interrupt at the right moment.
I feel “seen”. Thank you.
I don't hate people. I just seem to feel better when they're not around.
Fellow introvert here. I spent decades in extroverted roles, and I think they finally caught up with me because now I treasure my solitude more than ever. Feels good to finally embrace it instead of fight it.
I recognise so much in myself in the points that you make - especially the point about needing quiet and
solitude to produce my best work…which is why I hate everyone talking at once during team meetings or during a systems outage at work (I’m an IT engineer)…I need time to understand the issue clearly, to process and consider away from the chaos, before formulating a plan or solution.
Okay, extrovert here married to an introvert. Thank you for your thoughtful words which led to a great discussion. Also, us extroverts are not baboons. Forgive our lack of understanding and failure to “pause”, something I work hard at to honor my wife. Our differences are our greatest opportunities to love and respect each other.
❤️
Traveling business trips are the worst. After one 3 day trip I actually ran from the airport to get home to my quiet spaces.
My extrovert husband is away on a work trip. The past three days I have enjoyed listening to the birds chirp and the wind rustle the wind chimes. It’s blissfully quiet.
My mind is actually at peace and I am getting a lot of things done because my energy level is up. I get four more days of this. I love him but his chaos sucks all my energy. We’ve been together for 30 years.
I've drawn up an approximate schedule for our days. This divides the day between shared activities and time to be quiet. We both seem to be benefiting
I love my introverted self. I read read read… something I’ve never had free time to do as much as I’d like. Then I retired 🤗
The open office plan is a nightmare for introverts. In the olden days, people at least had cubicles with walls.
I appreciate your comments about our superpower. My friends always have appreciated that about me. Sometimes they will say, go sit next to a couple at a get together and then tell me what’s going on with them, lol. They propel me out to use my superpower. I worked as a mental health peer where my job was just to listen to people. I was good at it. 🙂
Nice. Thanks. Number one reminds me of the line “ I could recognize him at a distance. In fact I prefer to recognize him that way.”
YES!!!!!!!! I am in my third career, teaching pottery to adults, and what makes me a great teacher (no false modesty here!) is that I remember being a beginner (20 years ago) and I have analyzed and processed (and continue to process) that experience to learn how to teach beginners - but after teaching for three hours, I have to go home and subside onto the couch to recover from all the giving of myself and supporting of others. Thank you for setting the concepts and meanings of introversion out so clearly!!!!!!
PS, my first career was as a scenic artist following a BFA in theatre, and my second, as a real estate lawyer, was after I realized that I would never own my life unless I made money, so I went to law school, and much to the surprise of everyone (including me) graduated third in my class and got a high paying job. I retired 25 years after graduating from law school and it took me several years to recover. But now I own my own life 😄😄😄
I’m what has been labeled a “chatty introvert” … making challenging for some to accept my “identification”. Any research on numbers in this “category”….
Once you've advanced enough in life to establish some domain competency, talking with others becomes easier. There is a grounding that takes place, a refuge of thought and identity that finally enables those self-referential cycles of evaluation to slow while talking to strange humans.
And then you can be your delightful self for a while.
Learning to turn off the planning mechanism and trust the intuition is a function of experience. And, learning not to care.
Pretty profound.
I don't get "A Dopamine High from Social Noise." Understatement of the year! Funny thing though, I'm reading this Substack because I enjoy your writing, Singh Bhai.
I am not an intervert.
it's cool that my writing connects with you even if we are all wired a little differently. Appreciate you being here 🙏
Try scuba. An introvert's paradise.
Yes Bill, SCUBA —— Socially Competent Understanding Behavioural Adults. Perhaps the perfect antidote to
MAGA —— MISERABLE ANTISOCIAL GREEDY ANDROIDS.
That’s just what bounced back off the wall when my extrovert half played with the thought.
Yet, strangely, I will only have such thoughts when in a quiet place, by myself!