Most People Think These 5 Habits Are Normal—But They Secretly Kill Your Confidence
The Subtle Ways You Make Yourself Seem Small
So here’s the thing about confidence, you had it once. We all did. Toddlers walk around with the kind of self-belief that makes grown adults look like background characters in their own lives. No hesitation. No doubts. Just vibes.
My point is that confidence is our default setting. It’s the world that beats it out of us.
No one sits you down and says, “Hey, just so you know, you suck.” (Unless you have a particularly charming family.)
Instead, it happens in small ways. Little habits that feel normal. Harmless. But over time, they erode your confidence so slowly, you don’t even notice.
1. You Keep Your Opinions to Yourself (Until Someone Else Says the Same Thing, and Then You Agree)
Ok, so imagine You’re sitting in meeting, someone brings up a topic, and you have a point to add.
But You hold it in. You wait. Somebody else, maybe a little louder, maybe a little more confident, says something just like what you were thinking. And, you’re nodding along, Yeah, totally, that’s exactly what I was gonna say.
Problem is, nobody remembers the person who was gonna say something. They remember the person who actually said it.
And that’s how you slowly train yourself to blend into the background.
2. Seeking Validation from Others Instead of Trusting Yourself
There’s a weird thing humans tend to do. We’ll make a decision, feel good about it, then, Wait. Let me just check if this is okay with literally everyone I know.
You decide to write something, but before you hit publish, you text three friends, Does this even make sense?
“Do you think this is a good idea?”
“Does this look good on me?”
“Am I making the right choice?”
And if enough people hesitate, even for a second, our confidence shatters.
When you have to make a decision, Sit with it. Give yourself 24 hours to see if you still stand by.
If you do ask for an opinion, don’t phrase it like you’re begging for approval. Instead of “Do you think this is a good idea?” try “This is what I’m doing. Anything I should watch out for?”
Try making a choice without explaining yourself. Just do it. No disclaimers, Just drop it like it’s a fact.
The more you trust your own judgment, the more other people will too. Funny how that works.
3. You Wait Until You “Feel” Confident Before Taking Action
If confidence showed up first, life would be a lot easier. But no. Confidence is rude like that. It only shows up after you’ve already embarrassed yourself a couple of times.
Confidence doesn’t show up before you do something. It shows up because you did it.
You don’t stand by the pool waiting for your body to feel like it knows how to swim. You get in the water. You flail. You choke on pool water. Then, somehow, you stop drowning.
What to do then?
Give yourself ten seconds to move before your brain starts making excuses. 10, 9, 8—GO. Say the thing. Hit send. Walk in the room. Your brain won’t have time to argue.
Do the absolute worst version of the thing first. If you’re scared of writing, write badly on purpose. If you’re scared of the gym, walk in, touch a treadmill, and leave (well at least walk for 1 minute) Just getting used to the idea of doing something lowers the fear factor.
4. You “Prepare to Fail” (Just in Case)
"I mean, I’m not really good at this, but I’ll try."
"I know this might sound dumb, but…"
"I’ll probably mess up, but here goes."
What we’re really saying is: Let me lower expectations, so if I fail, it won’t hurt as much.
Why this is secretly wrecking your confidence you might ask?
You’re training yourself (and everyone around you) to expect you to mess up.
You’re lowering the stakes before you even try.
You’re giving yourself an out before you’ve even stepped in.
How to stop:
Before you make a self-deprecating joke, ask yourself if you’d say it about someone else. If not, don’t say it about you either.
Ban yourself from saying “I’ll try”. Say “I’ll figure it out”.
Do not say “but” from your sentences. “I’m good at this, but…” Nope. Let the sentence end.
Don’t apologize for existing before you’ve even gotten started.
5. You Teach People to Treat You Like a Joke—And They Listen
Self-deprecating humor is cool especially to mask down weird embarrassing moments. Until it isn’t, when you do it all the time, people start believing you.
A joke here and there? Fine. Constantly calling yourself awkward, dumb, or a mess and eventually, people will start to remember like that in their memories.
The thing about humor is, it shapes how people see you. And when you constantly make yourself look small, people start to believe you.
If your humor always makes you look small, weak, or incompetent, you’re handing people permission to see you that way.
Some wise man said, everyone has problems, but some are just better at masking them walking in like they own the place, while the rest of us are still adjusting our collars and overthinking yesterday’s conversation.
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Thank you for your time!
Nice points Singh! Thanks for sharing ✌️